


Pitch black, pale blue

by moonqueerdom



Series: Winter Tale [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Attempt at Humor, Chaotic Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/F, F/M, First Christmas, Fluff, Found Family Traditions, Happy Ending, Happy Foxes (All For The Game), Healing, M/M, Multi, POV Neil Josten, Soft Neil Josten, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Songfic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, aftgwinterjam2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28338534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom/pseuds/moonqueerdom
Summary: “Thinking about how you're gonna protect me when I have to go to one of the damn Christmas dinners at Abby’s? You know, Christmas is in two days and we have to start thinking about it,” Andrew was now slowly running his fingers down Neil's arm, and Neil knew he liked to do this to see the skin of the area becoming translucent where his fingers touched."Why? Do you think something bad is going to happen? Is it a bad feeling?” Concern was blooming in Neil."The Foxes getting together should always arouse a bad feeling, if you ask me."“Oh, is that all? It must be alright then,” he went visibly calmer."You say that because you never saw that chaos up close."~Neil spends Christmas with Andrew and the Foxes, and he not only discovers and participates in some Christmas traditions but he also finally understands what family should mean
Relationships: Abby Winfield/David Wymack, Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Winter Tale [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067042
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87
Collections: #AFTGWinterJam 2020





	Pitch black, pale blue

**Author's Note:**

> oh, hello there. here i am again, with the second part of this fic, which i hadn't planned on writing until someone asked me to when i posted the first part of the story. the thing is that, despite not planning to write it, i had originally had the idea of doing two parts for this fic, one from andrew's point of view on the events and the other from neil's point of view. i gave up on that though because i didn't want to write the same story twice (neil's point of view would be from those same events in part one rather than new situations, so we would see how both neil and andrew fell in love), but i handled it after all. i hope it's all good and you like it
> 
> (this fic, like the previous one, is based on a song from the album "atlas: space" by sleeping at last. listen to [neptune](https://youtu.be/Cxtsm4jLVjk), if you feel like it)
> 
> good reading y'all!
> 
> trigger and content warnings: mentions of neil's past (toxic family relationship and parental abuse), mentions of andrew's past (child abuse, a little about self-harm), mentions of the ocean/sea and implicit sexual content. let me know if there's anything else

Neil was lying on his bed when he heard the apartment door open. He knew it could only be one person, so he sat on the bed and waited. The same person it always was, the only one who was always there with him and the reason he was still there, after all.

A calm song was echoing around the walls of the room and Neil was in his natural sammin form — he kinda found the completely human form boring, so he avoided it when he was alone or with Andrew —, wearing only the sweatpants Andrew had bought for him after Neil stole some clothes from his closet, and a pair of socks with several tiny skulls that he had also received as a gift.

The bedroom door opened and immediately Neil's tail flicked. He grinned and tilted his head to the side, excited.

"Hello, lover," he said, affectionately.

Andrew stopped in place and Neil was sure he saw his cheek turning pink.  _ Yep, that was usually his reaction. _

"I already said you don't have to say this to me every time," he rolled his eyes, faking nonchalance, but Neil knew better.

"Why? You don’t like blushing?” Neil teased.

“I’m not— it’s very cold outside. That's it," Andrew shrugged, taking off his coat and dropping it on the table by the corner of the room.

"Uh huh, Mr. Minyard," Neil had a shit eating grin on his face, and he had no desire to hide it.

Andrew rolled his eyes once more and made his way over to the bed, pushing Neil back carefully and falling onto the mattress beside him. They laid down together and Neil ran a hand over Andrew's torso, hiding his head in the curve of his neck and immediately smelling his partner's scent.

They had been doing this for almost ten months now, but their relationship had probably been established long before that. Perhaps it had been traced from the first moment when Neil decided it was  _ that human _ that he would protect. Anyway, the fact that they were  _ officially _ together now meant that they had already done things, learned things and experienced things in all the new ways that their new dynamic proposed. They had become more intimate than they had thought was possible, and they allowed themselves to have soft and tender moments just like this one pretty often.

Neil couldn't help remember other times. When things had been pitch black and pale blue, and all the variations on how the truth had looked like stained glass. Neil had been imprisoned and conditioned to only have something similar to freedom when he was taking care of and protecting someone else. Always someone else, but never himself. He always had felt empty-handed.

It was okay though, as long as Andrew was the person he was protecting. Because Andrew was the rain that drove every truth out of Neil, like the smooth flow of a river, and before that, he would only hear thunders breaking and silencing him when he opened his mouth. Now, he liked to say that he was only truly honest when it rained.

This often scared him, the things before Andrew had finally accepted him.

For a long time, Neil had thought he was an open book with a torn page where he tried to hide his past, and his ink had been running out and taking away from him every chance of being able to rewrite his future. He had known he wanted to love Andrew but he didn’t have known how. And that was unnerving.

That was also no longer the case.

"What is on your mind?" Andrew asked, raising a hand and stroking behind Neil's rabbit ears. This sent a shiver running through his body and he sighed against the blonde's neck.

"You," Neil's voice was muffled.

"Yeah?"

"Mmhm."

“Thinking about how you're gonna protect me when I have to go to one of the damn Christmas dinners at Abby’s? You know, Christmas is in two days and we have to start thinking about it,” Andrew was now slowly running his fingers down Neil's arm, and Neil knew he liked to do this to see the skin of the area becoming translucent where his fingers touched.

"Why? Do you think something bad is going to happen? Is it a bad feeling?” Concern was blooming in Neil.

"The Foxes getting together should always arouse a bad feeling, if you ask me."

“Oh, is that all? It must be alright then,” he went visibly calmer.

"You say that because you never saw that chaos up close."

"That sounds like overkill," Neil lifted his head to look directly into Andrew's eyes. His pointed ears twitched. “I already met all of your current and ex-teammates, and they looked totally ok. They were all polite to me and that Matt guy was especially kind.”

In the first few months Neil had needed Andrew's help to be able to stabilize himself in a society and lifestyle completely different from what he was used to. So Andrew had given him a key to his house in Columbia and called it home, where he had stayed for a while, leaving no trace so as not to alarm Andrew's family — his cousin, his twin and his  _ Kevin, _ whatever that meant. Eventually, he managed to stabilize himself in Palmetto though when he found out that there were places exclusive for sammines scattered around. And it was in one of those places where he lived now.

Throughout this process, he would constantly appear at the PSU to tell Andrew about how his adaptation was going, and two or three times he must have crossed paths with other students there, including Andrew's teammates.

None of them ever knew what his relationship with Andrew was, however. None of the relationships, that is.

"Okay then, I doubt you can get through at least an hour with all those people," Andrew complained, scowling.

Neil grinned. "Oh, but I love a challenge," he moved his hand until he was holding Andrew's waist, and lifted his body just enough to be slightly above him. "What are you going to give me in return?"

"Don't be that bold, Abram. It doesn’t suit you."

“But if it’s a challenge, there must be a prize. If not, what's the fun?”

Andrew looked deadly serious at him and suddenly the world spun. Neil was with his back on the mattress and startled by the rapid movement.

“This is not a joke. It's not supposed to be funny,” Andrew whispered, now over him.

Neil took a deep breath. He lifted a hand and placed it on Andrew's cheek, carefully. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"What."

They exchanged serious looks for long seconds.

"I said, do you want me to go with you?" Neil asked again.

"I was just kidding, idiot. I'm  _ not _ challenging you at all."

"Alright. Do you want it or not?” He moved his slender fingers to caress Andrew's cheek.

"No. Don’t worry about that.”

"But I want to. Really.”

Andrew frowned and looked at Neil as if searching for answers, as if he expected him to say it was a lie and he didn't really mean it. "Why?"

"It would be nice if I did new things with new people and all that."

"I'm not stopping you from doing this, Neil."

"I know, I know. And I already know plenty of other sammines who live in this building, but it would be nice to meet your friends too.”

"They are not my friends," Andrew testified.

"Whatever," Neil shrugged. "Still, can I?"

They were silent while Andrew seemed to be thinking. He was still on top of Neil, so now Neil held his face with both hands while chewing his own lip nervously.

Even if Andrew didn't admit it, Neil knew that those people must be important to him on some level, at least some of them. After all, Neil had already protected Andrew too many times to know how self-destructively protective he could be with some of those people.

"Ok," Andrew said.

"Ok isn’t a yes.”

The blonde rolled his eyes and approached Neil's face. "Yes, Abram," he said in a low voice. "Now it's your turn. Yes or no?"

"Yes or not what?" Andrew took his mouth close to one of Neil's pointed ears and whispered a lot of words that made Neil blush more and more and then giggle. "Oh, definitely yes."

He pulled Andrew's face and kissed him passionately, spreading his legs to make room for him to fit in the middle so they could move better against each other. Neil opened his mouth and let Andrew's tongue meet his, slowly and hotly at the pace they had built together over time. He let Andrew hold him and handle him, gasping and squirming in response.

He felt his body rise and fall, his mind spin and turn upside down, and his heart speed up and miss a few beats.

Andrew undressed Neil, literally and metaphorically speaking. He stripped Neil of his clothes, sounds and truths. He made Neil pant, choke, moan and whimper with care and attention, enjoying each part and making sure Neil was enjoying it just as much.

That was something he had taken time to understand and get used to. At first, it had been disastrous and messy, but Andrew was always patient and ready to teach him, and now they were here. And oh, Neil liked  _ here _ very much.

Neil gritted his teeth and whimpered about how good Andrew was, how he liked it, and how he liked Andrew.

Andrew, who was a whole storm washing Neil brand new. And Neil, who is honest only when it rains.

~

"I have a feeling I could have prepared myself better for this," Neil murmured, biting the inside of his mouth.

They were walking to Abby's house because Andrew had parked the car a little far away since the street was full of other vehicles — both from the people already at Abby's and from other people around the neighborhood.

"For what?" Andrew frowned.

“I’m about to meet with many other humans who are unaware that _I am_ _not_ human. What do you think I had to prepare for?”

"You act as if we’re a species totally unknown to you."

"Well, yeah, maybe that's because you are," Neil raised his eyebrows, exasperated.

"Of course not, you have some time of experience."

"Andrew," Neil's voice was quiet the way it was only when he was holding on to a single thin line of patience. "You are no basis for experiencing what  _ other _ human beings are like."

"How come I’m not?"

“Let me give you very practical examples, then. What did I do the first time you took me to the mall?”

Andrew sighed and rolled his eyes. "I don’t remember."

"Bullshit, your memory is perfect."

“Fine. You kneeled in front of the cash machine and started singing in a strange language.”

"What else?"

"You hissed at the employees who tried to stop you because it was scaring the customers."

"What else?"

"You tried to kick the machine and I suggested you stabbed it instead. Then, we were  _ ‘kindly advised’ _ to get out of the place," Andrew rolled his eyes. "It’s not my fault that you woke up that day and chose violence."

"Well, it's not my fault that you humans have dumb machines that don't work with me." Neil crossed his arms in front of his chest, his tail would have been swinging violently if it was there, but today he was all human and nothing sammin.

“You had no money, Neil. How, possibly, would the machine make money for you?”

“I promised an offering! Why did it deny an offering?”

"Because it's a  _ machine, _ for fuck’s sake."

They arrived at the front porch of Abby's house and Neil stuffed his hands in the pockets of the heavy coat he was wearing over several other clothes. Andrew had dressed him for today, and he couldn't say exactly if it was good or not, but apparently, Andrew, and some other humans who were in Neil's building visiting their sammines for the holidays, had thought it was quite ok.

Neil could tell, though, that Andrew was very handsome in his various layers of clothing and, especially, in the black overcoat that made him look at least three times more elegant.

A woman probably as chubby as Neil — though taller than him — with light brown braided hair and austere features opened the door and looked directly at them.

“Oh. Hello, Andrew,” she said, a smile really tiny but still true on her face.

"Betsy," he greeted her. "This is Neil."

Neil had the distinct memory of Andrew mentioning this woman a few times. Sometimes  _ Betsy _ or  _ Dobson, _ but more often  _ Bee. _ He seemed to hold some affection towards her and that was probably a two-way thing, as far as Neil had noticed.

The woman turned to him and nodded once. “Hello, Neil. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

"Likewise, I think," he nodded back.

“Come in, you two. It's very cold outside, and we have warm drinks,” Betsy smiled again and stepped aside to make room for them.

Neil followed Andrew and they stopped by the entrance to take off their coats and hang them on the coat rack. From where they were standing, Neil could already hear some mixed voices and loud laughter coming from inside the house, and he was getting uneasy once again, barely managing to prevent himself from fidgeting.

He tried to focus on other things, in hopes that would help him.

The inside really was warmer, and almost cozy with all the golden decor, lights, and festive figures scattered around the place. It looked beautiful.

Betsy guided them both into the living room, and now Neil's hands were inside his pants pockets. He felt like he could retreat himself enough to get into that pocket. That was what he truly wanted for Christmas; to just disappear.

There were definitely more people scattered around the place than Neil expected, but luckily no one paid that much attention to him. At least not for now.

"Hey, Andrew," the one Neil recognized as Nicky called. "I see that you took the party theme quite seriously, huh?"

Something about his tone made Neil think he was teasing or being ironic, and that left him in doubt.

"What party theme?" Neil asked quietly, mostly just for Andrew.

But it wasn’t quiet enough, he realized because immediately all pairs of eyes fixed themselves on him. The attention made Neil's skin tingle.

“Hi. Neil, isn't it?” A girl with white hair and colorful tips greeted him, smiling friendly.

“Um, yes. You are… Renee, I think?” Neil replied.

“Yes, that’s me. Welcome, I hope you have a nice evening and that everyone is pleasant enough with you.”

“Yo, aren’t you the little dude I met a couple of times back at PSU?” The one Neil remembered to be Matt spoke up excitedly.

"Hi," he replied, a little embarrassed. Fortunately, Andrew was still at his side. Even though he wasn't helping much, it was still better to have him around. "Uh, what theme for the party were you guys talking about?"

"Oh, of course Minyard didn't tell you" Matt laughed. “It’s a tradition for us to choose a theme for the holidays every year, and then we do everything possible based on that theme. This year the choice was  _ superheroes and villains, _ as you can see from everyone's costumes.”

Neil looked around and saw that, in fact, other people's clothes were distinctly different from the ones he and Andrew were wearing. There were some tight-fitting clothes of different colors, a few capes around people’s shoulders, masks on some faces... Everything followed a pattern more or less like this.

"What are superheroes and villains?" Neil asked quietly, to Andrew.

“Remember that movie you pissed me off until we watched it? Black Panther?” The blonde replied just as quietly. Neil nodded. “Black Panther is a hero. Killmonger is a villain.”

"Heroes are the good guys, and villains are the bad people," Renee, who was just a little closer to them, helped.

“Uh. But I like Killmonger. He was quite nice,” Neil tilted his head, frowning.

"Alright, the point is," the blonde woman—  _ Allison, _ started to speak. “What a sin that you came without proper dressing, dear. At this point, we expected this from Andrew, but I thought he wouldn't try to force his friend to follow in his footsteps as a dark lord and ultimate fun destroyer.”

Andrew snorted so low that Neil only listened because he was that close to him. The auburn-haired man looked around and noticed that  _ everyone _ was really wearing clothes in that style, and that was pretty cool if he had to be honest.

He watched with interest every part of the clothes, hairstyles and accessories. He saw a tall man with dark hair and gray eyes, and, between his hair, Neil saw a trace of a pointed ear. It caught his attention and Neil straightened up so fast that it caught  _ Andrew's _ attention, who followed the direction of his gaze to see what he was seeing.

"That’s not real," he explained simply, and Neil's shoulders slumped immediately.

"Allison, didn't you have some extra accessories that you brought in case you get tired of wearing the same thing all night?" Renee smiled gently at the blonde woman.

"Yes, angelflower, I believe I have a few things," she replied.

"And you could kindly lend them to Neil, right?"

Neil's eyes lit up and he looked at Allison. He thought he would survive the night without this, honestly, but sometimes Neil found himself especially interested in some habits, rituals, or human activities. For example, he found falconry quite amusing, if only because humans chose animals as easy as falcons, when sammines were used to training far more dangerous species of demons, but that was just a detail. Besides that, he also enjoyed some dances. Actually, he liked most of them, even though he was able to execute practically none. Once, Andrew had taken him to a club, and that night was even more fun because besides the dancing and people-watching habit that Neil liked to engage regularly, Andrew had—ahem—taught Neil what a blowjob was. Quite educational that night was.

So, yeah. Human activities. There was  _ a lot _ to like about them.

But there were some things that he had no fondness for at all. Like fireworks. Neil suspected it was shitty for anyone, but especially for someone who has two pairs of ears and keen hearing. So yeah, he fucking hated fireworks with everything in him. They were a fucking nightmare.

Anyways, he was always available and yearning to learn new things though, especially now that he would live among humans for who knows how long — Andrew promised it would be forever, and he kinda liked that idea. 

"Ah, well, I suppose I can," Allison replied, tilting her head a little and shrugging. She moved the hand that was holding a glass of some drink, as if she was looking for somewhere to rest that, "Just let me—"

“Oh, no, it's okay. I can help him with that myself,” Renee smiled in that overly sympathetic way again, and despite frowning a little, Allison shrugged. "Come on, Neil?"

He nodded slowly and looked at Andrew, hoping for some reassurance or something, but found only the blonde looking back at him with a blank expression.

"Do you want to drink something?" Andrew asked.

"I don’t know. It's not like I know what anything is, anyway,” Neil replied. This earned him a few looks in his direction, but he promptly ignored them all. "Choose anything you think is appropriate."

Andrew gave him a flat look but said nothing, and then turned his back to go to another room.

Neil followed Renee jogging a bit — because she was already considerably ahead of him — and found himself in a small room that was supposed to act as a closet for generalized messes. He closed the door behind him and Renee was already going through some of the stuff to look for something.

Neil watched her completely and paid attention to the clothes she was wearing. Renee was wearing a basil green dress that reached almost to her knees and looked like it was soft enough to remind Neil of a velvety texture. It wasn't a pleated dress like the ones she was wearing the other times Neil saw her, this one was tighter but still not that much. It had some details of drawings made in something similar to bronze, but Neil could tell that it wasn't really that. She had a short cloak draped over her shoulders, in the same bronze color as those drawings, open sandals full of straps wrapped around her legs, and a bronze tiara.

Neil had seen few faeries in his life, but right now she looked very much like one of them.

Just looked though. She didn't smell like a faerie.

"Andrew told me a little bit about you if that's not a problem," she said, cautiously.

"Uh?" Neil was unable to identify what it was.

Renee giggled. "He told me that you are not human, more specifically."

It surprised him a little, and he stepped back involuntarily, immediately taking a defensive pose without exactly thinking about it too much.

Obviously, she noticed this and raised both hands as if to show that she was innocent, that she wasn’t trying to do anything that he could not foresee.

“There is no problem here, Neil. I'm not trying to threaten you or whatever you think this sounds like. I'm totally safe,” she tried to convince him.

It took Neil a few minutes using everything he could — sniffing, watching, listening, paying attention — to settle on the more practical alternative than scanning a whole person:  _ Andrew trusted her, so maybe I can try too. _

"Mm. What do you mean by saying that?”

“I mean that… This is basically a costume party. You don't necessarily need to wear a disguise when you already have one available,” she smiled genuinely at him and raised an eyebrow. Renee's eyes were almost completely covered by her cheeks when she smiled, and that would be lovely if Neil wasn't keeping her under review.

"People will notice."

“You just need to say that you found enough accessories here and it’s all a costume. They’ll believe it. I've got your back."

Neil hummed. "There's a problem, though," his entire skin became translucent and he felt the familiar burning of his ears changing or taking shape, the tail on his back, and the sammin marks appearing on his face. Once that was over, Neil turned his back on her. "How am I going to explain this?"

His tail flicked as if to prove his point, and he saw Renee's expression become amused just before she was thoughtful. She moved around, fiddling with other things, and from one of the boxes she pulled out a sparkling red skirt.

"Are you ok with this?" Renee asked, holding out the garment to him.

Neil shrugged and took it, dressing it over all his clothes. The waistband of the skirt was high enough that it was right at his waist, and the length was long enough to cover the tail effectively. Also, the skirt was bulky, so the tail was not prominent under the fabric.

"It looks alright," Neil just knew his eyes were shining, but he didn't want Renee to see this, so he lowered his head.

“Yeah, it is. You’re fine, congratulations, you look like a superhero princess or something.”

Neil's rabbit ears twitched and he nodded. Renee guided him out of the room and the stomp boots Andrew had given Neil earlier and told him to wear announced the return of the two of them to the living room before they actually got there.

"Oh, this is really cool, I didn't remember bringing these accessories?" Allison raised her eyebrows almost to the height of her hairline.

"I only used your makeup," Renee looked at Neil's face, and the boy was standing awkwardly in place. "The other things were scattered around Abby's mess."

"Oh, shit, I didn't even remember having it all here," a woman — whom Neil supposed to be Abby, given the context — said.

"I keep telling you to tidy that room. It costs nothing and it would only benefit you," Betsy took a sip of the drink in her hand.

Andrew was still nowhere to be seen, so Neil walked in the direction he remembered seeing him go before, and left all the people arguing about messy places and rat nests — he didn't quite understand that part.

He found Andrew in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets as he searched for something. Neil knocked on the door to announce that he was there too and came over. Andrew was clearly surprised for a few seconds when he looked at Neil but didn't comment on it much.

"Renee said no one would care," the auburn-haired man explained.

"Probably not. Half of them will be drunk by the end of the night, and they are all too stupid to even notice anything,” Andrew gave Neil a once over, paying close attention, and it made an electric, tingling feeling go down Neil's spine. "Take off your pants."

“Um, what? Here? But what if... Can’t you wait until we're back at the apartment to—”

"No, Abram," Andrew sighed, aghast. “The pants you're wearing don't look good with that skirt on top. Take off your jeans, just them, and I'll put them close to the coats for us to remember to take when we go home.”

Neil was almost distracted enough by the request to almost let it pass that Andrew had called his apartment _home._ _Almost._ His cheeks heated up and broke into an involuntary smile.

Under Andrew's hard gaze, he reached for the buttons of his own pants, unbuttoned it and pulled it down. It was a little embarrassing because he had to take off his boots to get his pants off completely, and Andrew had to help him so that Neil didn't fall in the middle of the kitchen. After that Andrew also helped him fix his own shirt, and ran his fingers through Neil's auburn hair to fix the strands. His ears twitched and his skirt moved with the force with which his tail wagged, but Andrew just smirked for that and rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Get a grip, little bunny," Andrew said playfully, and Neil smiled.

"What do you have there for me?" He asked, looking at the two glasses Andrew had placed on the kitchen counter.

“Mm. One of the glasses has hot chocolate, taste it and see if you like it.”

Neil peeked inside and held up the one that had a brown liquid inside. He took a sip and felt the hot sensation on his tongue, but that wasn't something that really affected him, temperatures in general, so what the prominent sensation was not that.

"Bleh, this is too sweet," Neil made a face and stuck out his tongue as if it would make the taste go away.

“Oh, so true. You have no taste. Fucker. ”

"I just don't like sweets that much, that doesn’t mean I don’t have taste."

“Yeah, but could it be worse? No, it couldn't,” Andrew sighed dramatically.

"What are you doing, Drew?" Neil leaned back against the counter and watched, puzzled, while Andrew still fiddled with the kitchen cabinets.

“Looking for any alcohol other than champagne. That shit is gross.”

"I don't know what champagne is."

“The thing in that bottle. Serve yourself a little if you want,” Andrew pointed to the bottle on the kitchen island. "Wanna know what? Give me this glass of hot chocolate, maybe I can drink enough to get high on sugar, and then I won't even need alcohol."

Neil held the glass out to Andrew and took the empty one to pour some pinkish liquid from the glass bottle Andrew had pointed out. He put in just enough to taste a bit, and at first he completely hated it, but after three more sips he found that it had an almost bubbling sensation on his tongue, and he liked it, so he served himself a full glass the next time.

They walked back to the living room and everyone was gathered in the center of the room, watching or participating in a heated discussion with Kevin about whether or not to eat desserts before dinner.

Neil watched them scream and scream but end up laughing out loud with them. He also watched when everyone sat down to play board games a few minutes later —  _ 'This is our tradition,' _ Dan had explained to Neil,  _ 'because Kevin is horrible at board games, and so we can have the honor of seeing him completely losing his shit for something stupid’ _ —, and even participated in some Monopoly matches.

"What the fuck, how come Neil is so good at this game if he didn't even know how to play until two rounds ago?" Jeremy — Neil learned that was the name of one of the two men who were always beside Kevin; the other one was Jean — said indignantly.

Andrew gave his partner a suspicious look and when the sammin only giggled, that was the confirmation he needed. Well, it was everyone's fault if they were playing against a non-human with keen senses and an incredible ability to manipulate events to unfold as he wanted.  _ 'I'm just doing my job and protecting you from having a losing partner,' _ Neil whispered in Andrew's ear as the blonde sat in the chair where Neil had been supporting his back the whole time, and now he was sitting on the floor between Andrew’s spread legs.

After everyone lost for three games in a row, they gave up on Monopoly and moved on to the next game. It didn't last long though, because Abby called everyone in a short time to do something she called  _ ‘panettones decoration’, _ but Neil didn’t know what a panettone was, let alone why it needed to be decorated. He followed everyone anyway.

He paid extra attention to everything they did to try to keep up with the unknown information. Panettones, he learned, were cakes with a discreet fragrance of vanilla and a filling of candied fruits like apricot, papaya, orange, lemon, apple and raisin. Decorating them meant that Abby had placed several icings and sweets on the counter, and all the panettones that were on the dining room table would have to be covered with those things.

Like everything Neil had learned about how those people did things, it was a complete mess. After only ten minutes, even Kevin, who wasn’t participating in the activity at all, had a lot of chocolate on his cheek and was complaining ceaselessly about it. Neil was helping Matt and Dan with the panettone they were decorating, but in fact, he  _ needed _ more help than he  _ provided. _ He dropped the bag of chocolate chips twice and Matt laughed both times, but he stopped laughing when Neil dropped it a third time, and this time it was a whole bag of chocolate chips on top of the panettone icing.

Andrew was ok with just standing in the corner, watching and drinking more hot chocolate, save the few times he nodded when Neil showed something he had done to him, smiling absurdly big.

They did this until dinner time when everyone lined up in the guest bathroom to wash their hands and everything in between — Wymack said he didn't want anyone using the suite bathroom and messing his whole bedroom. Neil waited to go last, and Andrew locked himself in the bathroom with him, handling Neil to sit over the sink while he looked for a towel to wet and use to clean up the mess that was his partner. He was doing this attentively while Neil just went cross-eyed to try to see his own nose and lick the tip that was dirty with a bit of icing.

They came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and walked straight to the dining room table. Everyone has gathered around in a mess of overlapping voices and hands trying to reach for food. Neil didn't know what some of the dishes were, but usually, someone explained to him what it was and what it tasted like, and he was able to choose what he wanted to eat from there.

He thought it was cool that nobody looked at him strangely because of his lack of knowledge about many things, because he had had enough experiences with humans to know that they could be very closed-minded sometimes about the fact that not everyone has the same experiences and knowledge as them. Sure, they don't know that Neil isn't human, but that's just a tiny detail.

"What is it?" Neil whispered to Andrew, pointing to a slice of something in the corner of his plate.

"That's that fruit, pineapple," Andrew replied. "You like the juice of this."

“Oh, I know. Malinde usually makes a lot of this juice and then offers it to everyone in the building,” Malinde was a resident of Neil's building. Another sammin like him.

A snort sounded near the end of the table. "So you really like pineapple juice?" Nicky asked, with a shit-eating grin on his face and a raised eyebrow. "You know what people say about pineapple, huh?"

Aaron grunted. “First, gross. Second, this is only partly true. Third, gross.”

"Partly true is still true," Nicky shrugged.

"Your entire diet and lifestyle choices can affect your body fluids, not only pineapples specifically."

“For God's sake, a single normal dinner was what I wanted. Just one,” Wymack complained, took a deep breath, and rubbed his hands over his face. "Abby worked hard on those foods. If you could—"

"Following that logic, then Kevin's body fluids are the best ones on this table, right?" Allison raised an eyebrow at him. Kevin choked on his food and Jeremy immediately started laughing out loud. "Jeremy confirmed, that's a yes."

“But what about Andrew? This guy only eats candy, I'm sure it affects somehow,” Matt said as he slowly chewed his food.

"Do you have a death wish, Boyd?" Andrew glared daggers at him.

“This conversation is for grown people only, Minyard. It’s nothing more than pure professionalism.”

"That’s precisely why therapy is a requirement for you lots," Betsy said, sounding almost indifferent if it weren't for the corners of her mouth slightly pointing up.

Several voices mingled at once, one talking over the other and trying to get their point across, and Wymack trying to get everyone to shut up while Betsy and Abby clearly held on to not laugh.

"What the hell are you all talking about?" Neil tried to make himself heard, when he was tired of not understanding a single fuck of what they were saying.

Suddenly everyone fell silent and looked at him with expressions he didn't like one bit. Andrew, beside him, sighed heavily.

“Ah, you know. That thing about pineapple helping to sweeten the taste of semen,” Nicky replied as if it was no big deal.

"Um, I see..." Neil narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. He turned his head and whispered, "You should have more pineapple, Drew."

But, well, apparently not as low as he expected. Or maybe they were just in a space that was too small and didn't give them that much privacy.

The silence that fell on the table was exceedingly intense and more violent than the chaotic screams.

"Excuse me,  _ what?" _ Nicky asked, blinking twice.

All Andrew did was look once in Neil's direction and return to paying attention to his food, as if he was mentally turning off everyone around him, prepared for what was to come.

Neil obviously didn't know what to expect.

“Oh, don’t do that. Don't talk about it. This is just  _ way beyond _ what I consider acceptable at Christmas dinner,” Wymack asked, looking annoyed.

"Are you two fucking?" Allison looked just as equally curious as Nicky, watching Andrew and Neil.

“Are you  _ surprised? _ Like,  _ really?” _ Kevin raised both eyebrows as if he thought everyone was dumb. “They both came here together, for God's sake. No one else here knows Neil but Andrew, which means it has no reason for him to be here other than because Andrew wanted to.”

"I don't know, maybe Neil is just another  _ problem kid _ like the rest of us," Nicky shrugged.

“Why, thank you,” Neil narrowed his eyes.

“And I didn't even know Andrew wasn’t straight. I, of all people, should be the first to know,” Andrew's cousin looked profusely offended.

Beside Neil, Andrew was looking already done with this whole conversation, but doing a great job of pretending that nothing was happening.

"You were pretty dumb on that," Aaron declared. “What do you call that photo Andrew leaves on his nightstand? The one where he's on a boat with Neil?”

"It's a picture," Nicky shrugged. "They’re good friends, it makes sense."

"Fucking really?"

“Uh, yes? They go out together, okay, but what about it? Many people go out together often. Just because Andrew keeps a photo of someone besides the bed where he sleeps and brings that person to Christmas dinner doesn't mean it's… something.”

"Is it possible for a homosexual to be homophobic?" Matt asked, blinking in surprise.

"Can we  _ please _ return to dinner?" Dan asked, or almost begged.

Neil winced for the use of that word and looked at Andrew, though the latter didn't even seem to react. Well, except for his hand that tightened its grip on Neil's leg. And Neil knew better.

"Abby, your food is wonderful, as always," Renee smiled. "Thank you so much for cooking all this for us."

"Thank you, dear. I'm glad you're really liking it,” Abby nodded in satisfaction. "Betsy helped me with all of this after David almost burned the kitchen."

Jean snorted. "Like father, like son."

Kevin looked at him as if he was offended, but ultimately didn't argue.

Everyone managed to get through the dinner without further ado, eating slowly and talking about matters in an equally chaotic way, but less inopportune than before. Andrew's hand didn't leave Neil's thigh for a moment, and it was grounding him completely. Andrew was quieter than he used to be when he was with Neil alone, but he knew that things had always been like this when he was around many people, especially when the group of people that Andrew trusted enough to engage in conversation was very select and didn’t include all the ones present.

At least he didn't stab anyone and that was something.

Neil stayed behind when everyone went to the living room after eating, helping Abby and Kevin get everything off the table and organized into the kitchen. By the time they also followed to the living room, soft music was playing and people were gathered in pairs, dancing together.

Allison and Renee were hugging in a corner, whispering to each other and swaying slowly, while Matt and Dan were the complete opposite and spun around excitedly, laughing out loud and exchanging chaste kisses.

“They have a tradition of dancing after dinner. Everyone gets especially cheesy and in the mood for these family activities,” Abby explained to Neil when she saw him watching, and then walked past him to where Wymack was with his arms crossed while talking to Jean and Jeremy.

_ Family activities, _ Neil mused.

Sammines also have traditions and habits. They have parties to thank and honor nature. Thanksgiving parties for the existence of all of them. Celebrations for sammines who just met their humans. They have a lot to add to their culture.

**_Family_ ** _ activities,  _ though. That was a concept that Neil had never thought about before.

Metaphorically speaking, Neil learned very early to patch up every leak that he could, because his father would only let him set sail with cheap wood. He's been alone since he can remember, even when surrounded by so many other people. Parties had been just excuses for him to dress right, to behave properly, to be polite, to honor his parents in the right way, to stay on the line, to obey— and if he made a mistake...  _ Oh, if he made a mistake. _

He grew up around sammin children praising and thanking their families, but Neil never even knew the meaning of that word.  _ Family.  _ His father hurt him, didn't believe him, yelled at him, beated his mother, made Neil starve and thirst in order to make him learn something stupid... And Neil should be grateful for that? Praise that?

He couldn’t. And he didn't think the other families were like that, anyway.

Eventually he learned to remain silent at the face of it because there was nothing he could do that would really have any effect on changing things. So he put up with that shit in order not to fall apart, and he made sure to enjoy the time he had away from it.

Stitch by stitch he let himself be torn apart.

_ If brokenness was a form of art, _ Neil thought,  _ I must be a poster child prodigy. _

Thread by thread he came apart.

_ If brokenness was a work of art, _ Neil had repeated to his mother's garden plants, his sole company and witness to his thoughts,  _ surely this must be my masterpiece. _

But then he had found Andrew. 

The day he had found Andrew, things had happened... by chance. And it was a huge turning point in Neil's life because he knew that blond, grumpy boy was something else. Neil had known he was pure and genuine in his twisted way, and just as broken as Neil. 

He had identified with that. He had thought,  _ “I’m not the only one”. _

He thinks he met Andrew long before Andrew thinks he did so. They were still children and Neil couldn't understand why people were the way they were with someone as small and innocent as Andrew. Neil barely had full control over his powers when he killed someone the first time, because he tried to intercept once, twice, three times, but the man kept invading a child's room and making all the kid’s bones turn to terror and trauma.

So Neil had killed. He didn't have regretted it at the time and he still doesn't regret it today.

He also grew fond of that boy. He had wanted to love him but he didn't know how, he didn't know if he could, because love has always been a distorted concept for him. So he did what he could, and protected.

Neil thought he had known wild oceans, that shook what was left of him loose just to hear him cry mercy. Oceans that released a strong wind at his back for him to raise the only sail he had. A tired white flag.

But he didn’t.

He had known the pit and infinite depths of the sea, which crushed him with all the pressure gathered there and sent its creatures to shatter every bit of him. That was his father.

Andrew was... The surface on which he floated and felt light. The waters that rustled and moved him, but didn’t crush him. Andrew was the part of the ocean that Neil knew he would be able to sail safely once he knew. The part of the ocean that was exquisite and fascinating, that shouldn't be touched by anything or anyone and preserved intact. It was still wild though, but it was a wilderness that felt exciting instead of intimidating, even if most people felt that way. It felt right, and new, and good, and transforming.

Neil had wanted to love him so bad. And he still did.

"Abram," he heard and shifted his attention with some difficulty to Andrew's face beside him.

Neil had been standing in the middle of the hall where he had come from the kitchen, looking at the world with lost eyes for a bit longer than he intended to, it seemed. 

People were dancing in silence and with a smile on their faces now.

Jeremy had taken Abby to dance, and they were all pure amusement about it, while Jean and Kevin continued talking to Wymack, through low words that didn’t go over the sound of the music playing.

Aaron had Katelyn holding him tight and their foreheads were glued together enough that they certainly were cross-eyed as they looked at each other, but they didn't seem to care so neither would anyone else

Nicky was in the corner, smiling with teary eyes as he spoke on the phone, paying no attention to anything else.

Bee was the only one in a corner alone, but she was visibly happy to watch everyone, and that was shown by the smile on her face that reached her eyes.

"Andrew," Neil returned.

"Come here," he asked and started to head outside of the house through the back door.

They ended up on the back porch of the house but they didn't stop there. Andrew continued to walk under the snow falling on them and towards the trees. It took Neil some time to recognize, but he knew he had been there before. They both had. Exactly a year earlier.

And there they were again, alone and unperturbed.

Andrew held out a hand to Neil and he accepted, immediately being pulled close and smiling with the intimacy. They were dancing, Neil realized, a few seconds later. Andrew's hands were on Neil's waist and he instructed the other man to place his own hands on his shoulders. And they rocked together for the silent song of the night sky.

“Hello, lover,” Neil giggled.

"Hello, lover," Andrew conceded this time. "Do you have a Christmas story for me?"

"Do you wanna hear something specific?"

“Mmhm. Your voice."

The smile that came through Neil's lips was inevitable. "So romantic. I appreciate that."

"Thanks, I've been practicing a bit lately," Andrew made a tiny smug expression.

They were silent, looking deeply into each other's eyes and seeing their respective particular universes reflected there.

"Is there anything you want to thank for on this beautiful Christmas night?" Andrew asked, probably ironically, but Neil really thought about it.

"Yes. For not being afraid anymore,” he said, then. Andrew hummed in acknowledgment, to make it clear that he was listening. "The car accident. You remember that, don't you?"

"Tilda died and I got an amazing car thanks to her life insurance. I wouldn't forget that even if I could."

“Right. That was the most difficult rescue I have ever done for you, however, it wasn’t the time that made me fear the most for your life,” Neil slid his hands over Andrew's shoulders and down his arms until he reached the other man's wrists, covered by the usual armbands he always wore and held them carefully. “I could never have done anything if you had moved on with  _ this, _ and I would’ve been devastated. The only thing I could do was have your back on everything else, so I did that.”

They were silent for longer now, dancing together and slowly, enjoying the feel of their breaths against each other, and the sounds of their low voices covering all other sounds around them.

Neil didn't expect an answer from Andrew, so he just smiled, laid his head on his partner's shoulder, and breathed in his scent. He left a few chaste kisses on Andrew's neck and moved his hands again to grab his shoulders.

That space and that moment were theirs. Neil saw the red line glowing on his right wrist and smiled. Andrew's left wrist was also glowing.

He felt like he was floating and out of his mind in a positive way. He was much happier than he ever imagined possible, and his body was becoming numb with it, overflowing with feelings and emotions that he didn't recognize but didn't condemn. On the contrary, actually. He was learning to embrace them.

"I'm better now," surprisingly, Andrew replied.

Neil lifted his head and looked at him. A huge grin spread across his face and made his round cheeks hurt, but he didn't care. He tightened his arms around Andrew even more, almost melting and merging with him.

“I know, my love,” his voice had a copious amount of warmth, fondness, love, softheartedness and affection. "That's why I'm not afraid anymore."

Andrew nodded and looked into Neil's eyes intently, receiving a 'yes' before he even asked the question.

They kissed at the same pace as their dance; slowly and passionately. Alone in their bubble where nothing would affect them, where everything was fine.

Perhaps this is the type of family that the sammines have always talked about and for which they have always been grateful. Families where people were chaotic and full of affection towards each other, being there even though some of them were living many miles away now.

He had to leave the world he knew to find something he could recognize as a family, but now he thought he could easily get used to it.

Suddenly, festivities made for thanking for something made a lot more sense now.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this far!! i hope you've enjoyed it, leave some kudos and comments if you feel like it. xx
> 
> (you can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me)


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